Case in point...Mountain Dew. The greatest soda pop EVER made! A delightful mix of citrus (it actually contains orange juice!) and sweet and caffeine. An overall flavor sent down directly from the the sweet Lord above.
But NO, they could not leave well enough alone. First we had Diet Mountain Dew. Okay, I can see that I guess. Even though it is disgusting swill compared to Mountain Dew.
But then they had to take things too GD far! Mountain Dew Code Red? WTH is that? It certainly bears NO resemblance to Mountain Dew! Nor do some of the other gross creations which besmirch the good name of Mountain Dew.
Mountain Dew Livewire? Mountain Dew Baja Blast? Mountain Dew Voltage? What the hell is all this crap?
Listen Mountain Dew people...hear me now and hear me good!
This other swill you brand as Mountain Dew bears NO resemblance to the greatest soda pop ever made. I demand immediate re-branding of these pretender pops to clear the righteous Mountain Dew name!
3 comments:
Whatever happened to the old saying 'If it ain't broke, dont fix it."?
I actually fell victim to this recent marketing ploy and mistakenly purchased the cleverly disguised MD 'Distortion'. Sporting a slightly varried coloring of MD camo. When one is in a rush (as was my personal tragedy) one would not notice as they dashed through the isles trying to outrun the incoming Florida afternoon thunderstorm rapidly snatching from the shelf his favorite evening beverage.
To my shock and dismay as I cracked open the can of what was believed to be my hallowed classic Mountain Dew and placed it to my lips...an unfamiliar concoction (of what could only be described as a mix of garbage disposal by-product and the south end of a north bound steer) assaulted without malice, my tastebuds and brought forth an event that never in the history of my drinking Mountain Dew has ever occurred.
My face turned into a scowl, eyes squinting...having to choke back my gag reflex I was able to peer through teary eyes to see that indeed I had been tricked and the aforementioned 'swill' had actually crossed my lips.
Damn you MD Marketing Department! You have claimed yet another victim! So now...here I sit, with a situation I have never faced. There is MD in my pantry, and I actually DO NOT want to drink it.
Surely the end is near...Perhaps the Mayan's had it right, 2012 is coming and the end is near!!! Seek out the signs of our world crumbling around us! Our beloved Mountain Dew is just one of many...I think...or perhaps I'm just over reacting. :)
On a side note...Mountain Dew Throwback is a delightful trip back in time when soda was a nickel, came in real glass bottles and contained ACTUAL SUGAR and not this High Fructose Corn Syrup garbage you find in everything nowadays.
Well stated indeed Flutinator! Thanks for relaying your tale of woe.
I agree with you about Mt Dew Throwback. It is an intoxicating elixir.
We will have to work on your notion of a "favorite evening beverage".
Otherwise, excellent prose,
I recommend we all drink ale heavily in lieu of MD.
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